I Talk, You Listen.
Tuesday, June 29, 2004

SAME BED EVERY NIGHT

for today i shall do some reviews (yes you might have read about some somewhere before but...). if you can bear with me, read on. after all, curiosity kept killing the cats.

i will go chronologically based on my pictures featured yesterday.

1
guy standing on logo

the maker

bald agent mr fourty seven (47) is back in 'Hitman: Contracts'. this third installment of the popular hitman series is the best i have played so far - storywise and gameplay. basically you go around as a SILENT ASSASIN and murder some high-above-in-whatever-hierarchy kahuna surrounded by near impossible odds. i like to point this SILENT ASSASIN thing out because by killing them silently ala 'Hitman: Silent Assasin' will earn you a higher and a better ranking. if you can get 'Professional' ranking under difficulty level 'Professional', come see me. i've got a job for you. kill this guy for me. i will reward thee handsomely, i say.

the previous two games were fun. but this one was like phwoar! missions range from stalin's backyard to jackie chan's mom's, castles to sewers, brothels to churches, hotels to slums. even the first mission was like a bad dream come true. SPOILER ALERT: for those who played 'Hitman: Codename 47' (the first one), the game ended with you killing your maker. (yes, you were artificially created) so, you start 'Hitman: Contracts' by escaping from the scene which happens to be a research lab where you found your 'brothers' which happens to be under an asylum which happens to be over run by SWAT teams now. NOW.

you're a clone who were deliberately allowed to escape in a complex pre-planned scheme by a luncatic geneticist. a combination of decades of research and studies and love. yeah, right.

one part i especially remembered of this game was it's violence and horror level. Eidos and Io Interactive have brought up the violence level so that toddlers will now cry in their sleep. Mr. 47 mutilates one's face with a meat hook, blows another's brains out in close range, dead bodies lay sprawling on the sparking marble floor tainted with blood, a pervert butcher masturbates in a shrine for a dead teenage girl he mutilated as a ritual to the music of 'Paul Anka's Put Your Head On My Shoulders', a ghost walks around a police-controlled crime scene area and SM parties in a beef production factory. whatdoya think now?

2
the meatballs

hates meatballs.

a long time ago, tasty meatballs like these existed in my life. delicacy no more. old photo from my archieves.

3
girl with wings


school

i only read TWO kind of comics:

i)BOOBY ones, which means ones with girls and boobs flaunting all around trying to seduce all the other males in the story and the occasional female,

or

ii) thought provoking screwed up stories that involve new scientific theories or the new stories with conventional concepts of things already made known but yea, screwed also.

say GOODBYE to aspen and HELLO to grace. remember the comics i was talking about? well, she's one of the lead characters in SOULFIRE, one of the new coming-soon-this-august spinoffs of the ASPEN storyline. you've guessed correctly, this fits exactly to the first of the TWO criteria of comics i read.

the story opens in the Age of Wonder (some sort of magic in the future sci-fi blah) with many winged humanoids and well, war breaks lose and you know the story. if i can share the comic here or link it to a source, life would be much easier since a picture tells a million words. 'ALL YOU NEED ARE WINGS'. with a tagline like this (like, duh...),how corny can SOULFIRE become?

4 and 5
gRAND tHEFT aUTO: sAN aNDREAS


isn't

the developers of the overly-controversial GTA series have decided to go out and conquer the world again. bad news though: this new installment does not cater to PC gamers (sad to say, that means me too). this time they said they would focus on the early 90s and the black community. WHAT THE DILLY, YO! and a big one to all the niggers out there. don't get me wrong, it looks like a good game and it packs a lot of new features besides the drive-around-and-kill-the-mom-pushing-a-trolley-with-her-kid-in-it scenes. for starters, you can now ride a bike! sort of like Extreme Sports + Crash Bandicoot. the developers probably have to get Tony Hawk in it too, don't you think?


good enough.

so far rumour has it that it'll be the first PS3 game for the new console.

6
what you have, will soon be mine

i see

yeap, this tagline is from THIEF 3. it was fun while playing it. couldn't it let go. addictive. mesmerizing. confusing. dangerously thrilling. what else? oh yeah, scary. when you hear a name like THIEF 3 on a game cover box, what do you think of? a guy who sneaks around and steals from the rich and give to the poor (stomach)? exactly what i thought of when i held it in my hands. boring. sucky. indelightable. 'super mario brothers' would have been better.

missions take you to mansions with creepy staircases and chandeliers, churches where they smite zombies, ruins half eaten by foliage, graveyards with ever spawning undead, a library attached to a rotunda where the council meets ala Warcraft 3, an orphanage-turned-asylum-turned-haunted-building named The ShalebrigeCradle', walking alive Gargoyles cursed with words like 'aNd i SeE aNd i SeE aNd I kiLL aNd i kiLL aNd...' in a Diable like voice, and a white glow of light with a shadow of surprisingly familiar girl you know...

nobody told me this but i betcha the previous two games were fun.

as GARRETT, a master thief who ran away from being a Keeper on the eve of his Ascension Day, he now confronts the good old Pagans (enemies from the first game) and the BUILDERS (ditto second game) and the Keepers themselves.. this time you not only get to go on missions and steal, whack OR KILL (this i bold because you usually avoid all forms of combat, hey, you're a thief!) you also get a city to explore in to pickpocket and steal stuff from people's humble abodes. sort of like GTA in the medieval times only without cars and bikes. boy, that was really fun! and when the Keepers start hunting for you in the city in you know it's time to die.

can't believe i spent one week on this bummer. took away a lot of my time, this one.

i play lotsa games, i know, but i only recommend the best.


fallout everywhere.

and yes, i've been absent for exactly two weeks plus one day. been hiding 'cos i was scared the world would end the day before yesterday.
posted by onions at 02:38

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