I Talk, You Listen.
Sunday, January 30, 2005

Everyone loves chicken rice.

So what have we learnt today?




Family. Home. A place to belong. Have you called back today?

Today's post was brought to you by the letters E, J and J and by the number 3.

Now, that's what you should learn today.
posted by onions at 04:00 3 comments
Friday, January 28, 2005

An ode to the classes of yesterday. And Warhammer 40k.

So what have we learnt today?

I hate my lecturers. They make me chop down trees. They bore me to death in classes, so I pick up my pencil and I doodle. And I doodle. I like.


Elsewhere.


Those of you who found yesterday's post funny, Warhammer 40k isn't funny! It's supposed to be a grim and dark future where man are at constant war with aliens, heretics and godknowswhats. Repent and apologize to me quick. Heck, why not listerine your mouth to apologize to The Emperor since he's coming by this weekend?


Oh yeah, something unconnected to this; Dr. Mahathir and Ma'am was seen taking a quick tour in the University. What for? Anyone actually have a picture of them in the vicinity?

You think being a Space Marine, an Adeptus Astartes,under the paycheck of The Emperor is funny?

Try these for size. Life is hard being one, okay?! To depict the process that a Space Marine wanabe has to go through;


[ Any normal you or me (MALE ONLY) -> Potential -> Neophyte -> Initiate -> Space Marine. ]

One topic I found extremely intriguing is:

"
Implantation.

Nineteen organs are implanted in a Neophyte to further bolster his combat and survival ability should he live to become a Brother-Marine. Each implant has a high margin of catastrophic failure and so a small number of Neophytes live to become Initiates.

1. Secondary Heart - This is the first and least difficult implant to install. The secondary heart has the obvious benefit of increasing blood supply and is even able to support full life functions in the event the original heart is rendered incapacitated.

2. Ossmudula - This implant serves to strengthen the skeleton of a Brother-Marine. Two years following the surgery, the Marine's skeleton will be exponentially stronger, with a fused rib cage.

3. Biscopea - Implanted into the chest cavity, this implant bolsters muscle growth throughout the Marine's body

4. Haemastamen - Implanted into a main blood vessel, this serves in conjunction with Implants two and three. It alters the Marine's blood composition to a higher level of efficiency.

5. Larraman's Organ - This organ serves the purpose a platelets, only in a quicker, more powerful magnitude. When a Marine is wounded, Larraman Cells are released, attached to leukocytes. At the site of the injury, they form scar tissue in a matter of seconds, effectively preventing massive blood loss and/or infection.


6. Catalepsean Node - Implanted into the back of the brain, this implant remains dormant until a Marine is deprived of sleep. Under normal circumstances, Marines sleep just like normal humans, but when deprived of it, the Node can switch off certain functions to gain rest. While it cannot replace normal Circadian rhythms, it effectively allows the Marine to rest while active.

7. Preomnor - Effectively a decontamination chamber inside the chest cavity, the Preomnor is able to assess possible poison/toxic risks of ingested materials and neutralize these toxins, if need be. The Preomnor enables the Marine to eat inedibles that would normally render a human ill or deceased.

8. Omophagea - Implanted into the spinal cord, this organ is designed to absorb DNA relative to experience or memory. This enables the Marine to gain information, in a survival or tactical sense, simply by eating an indigenous to an alien world or situation.

9. Multi-lung - The multi-lung is a 'third' lung, able to absorb oxygen from environments poor in oxygen. Breathing is accomplished through a sphincter in the trachea. A similar muscle closes in toxic environments and oxygen is absorbed by filtering out the poisonous elements.

10. Occulobe - Essentially, this organ enhances a Marine's eyesight, granting him vision considered exceptional and the ability to see normally in low-light environment.

11. Lyman's Ear - As well as rendering a Marine immune to dizziness and nausea, it enables a Marine to filter out 'white noise', as a conscious act.


12. Sus-an Membrane - This allows a Marine to enter a catatonic state, coma-like in appearance. It allows a mortally wounded Brother to survive. The longest recorded period of this state was Brother Silas Err of the Dark Angels for 567 years.

13. Melanochrome - Linked to pigment cells in skin, this allows the Marine's skin to shield him from dangerous levels of radiation.

14. Oolitic Kidney - This organ works in conjunction with the Secondary Heart, filtering blood and removing toxins from the blood.

15. Neuroglottis - This organ allows a Marine to assess a wide variety of things simply by taste. From poisons to chemicals to animals, a Marine can even track its quarry, by taste alone.

16. Mucranoid - Altering sweat glands, this organ secretes an oily substance that coats the skin, protecting it from extreme temperatures and to some extent, vacuum environments.

17. Betcher's Gland - Implanted into multiple locations inside a Marine's mouth, these glands transforms a Marine's saliva into corrosive, blinding acid.


18. Progenoids - Implanted into both the neck and chest cavity, these serve to cultivate gene-seed and to safeguard the continuity of a Chapter.

19. The Black Carapace - The last and possibly most important of all implants, this neuroreactive material is implanted directly under the skin. After a few hours, the material hardens and interlinks with the Marine's own nervous system. Points are then cut into the Carapace which allows a Marine to directly interface with his Power Armor.

"

Ouch.

That's what we've learnt today.


posted by onions at 02:34 1 comments
Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Counting Bodies Like Sheep To The Rhythm Of The War Drums

So what have we learnt today?

Terry and I decided to venture out to SS2, far away from the Cybernetic City of Study Life, far away from any prying eyes who may think we were some sort of weird NERDY beings (you will know why.), far away from ThatWhichCanNeverHappenAgain and far from YouKnowWho, after Richard gave us a call for this:

"OMG, A BOARD GAME EXTRAVAGANZA!"

Here's a toast to Richard for a great time.

NOTE TO READERS: Take heed, below isn't for the faint of heart.

"
Thaipusam
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

Thaipusam is a Hindu festival celebrated on the full moon in the Tamil month of Thai, mostly by the Tamil community. Pusam refers to a star that is at its highest point during the festival. The festival commemorates both the birthday of Lord Murugan (also Subramaniam), the youngest son of Shiva and Parvati, and the occasion when Parvati gave Murugan a vel (lance) so he could vanquish the evil demon Soorapadam.

Devotees prepare for the celebration by cleansing themselves through prayer and fasting. On the day of the festival, devotees will shave their heads undertake a pilgrimage along a set route while engaging in various acts of devotion, notably carrying various types of kavadi (burdens). At its simplest this may entail carrying a pot of milk, but mortification of the flesh by piercing the skin, tongue or cheeks with vel skewers is also common. The most spectacular practice is the vel kavadi, essentially a portable altar up to two meters tall, decorated with peacock feathers and attached to the devotee through 108 vels pierced into the skin on the chest and back. Fire walking and flagellation may also be practiced. It is claimed that devotees are able to enter a trance, feel no pain, do not bleed from their wounds and have no scars left behind. However, some of the more extreme masochistic practices have been criticized as dangerous and contrary to the spirit and intention of Hinduism.

The largest Thaipusam celebrations take place in Malaysia and Singapore. The temple at the Batu Caves, near Kuala Lumpur, often attracts over one million devotees. The procession to the caves starts at the Mahamariamman Temple in the heart of the city and proceeds for 15 kilometers to the caves, an 8-hour journey culminating in a flight of 272 steps to the top.
"

That was the good news. While some religious people had to undergo some undelightful forseen circumstances, we had, to put in two very simple words, FUN.

I mean, sorry, the TWO WORDS are: VIOLENTGRUESOMEBUTFUN FUN.

My chance to make the world/space hulk floathing in space a better place hath came. Warhammer 40k ™ style. Enjoy.





1262005 - Transcript received by Command Post :DELTA: at 0600 hours Alpha Centauri earth-time. Commander Irelus Heretus reporting.

1930 hours - 30 clicks ago received orders. I, Miraculus Heretus, Commander of The 24010th Legion of Chapter Ultramarines, the "Ruptured Hearts", is loving war. I is under the command of, and under the orders of, Our Greatness General Prokulus who must-be controling the many big-big ships out the window. I is impressed.

I and me men is ready even before when Prokulus want us go investigate the lumbering space hulk drifting in Sector Gamma-Gamma Seven. We ready with happiness to serve The Emperor. Us purged and cleansed our bodies one last time under the supervision Librarian Tigurius. He no lend book to me read. He librarian come out magic. Not book.



1945 hours - I is ready with armour and my "Tad-Tahhh! Power-Glove ™" and Bling! Power-Sword ™". Some girl must be liking me to send these to my bed when I was in Infirmary sick. I like.



Brother Maximus Armodus, my second-in-command (means if I die he take over, duh) is liking his "Phiaw Phiaw Bolter ™" because he is shining it till we reach mission pod. He say he be loving battles in tight spaces. I like.



The one with "Kababoom! Missile Launder ™" big-big is Brother Jinxus Tarsus, he and I is half-blood brothers, in real life. Not we share same mother. Means, we share same birthing tube.



Brother Bleaurghus Blatenus, like Emperor very much. I respect him for his liking and he do good job in war last week. He like hold his "Aha Aha! Plasma Pointer ™" and wave the little red dot around our heads from gun. I like. He funny.



But not least, Brother Kiki Proteus and his "Rat-A-Tat-Tat Chaingun ™" is boring. I hope he die so General Prokulus will give me new Chaingun man. I not evil. Proteus evil. He sleep with my dog.

1950 - We take pod shoot-off to space hulk number 34.

2000 - Pod reach space hulk 34.

2005 - Because Brother Proteus had problem with seatbelt, make us wait 5 precious minutes for him. I really hope he die now.

We open door to space hulk. It dark inside. I tell Armodus switch-on his bolter gun light. Ah, too bright! I tell him switch off. I tell group reseach "BIONIC EYE LVL 3 ™ © ". We see better. We see dead bodies. I like. I move and I see two left and right.



And then I get comm-link chanel from Legion "SoICallThemThis" of the Blood Angels, telling me they also entered the same space hulk but other side of it. I make a point in notepad to meet them half-way. I check PDA say:

"PRIMARY OBJECTIVE: SEEK AND DESTROY THE DREADNAUGHT™.
SECONDAY OBJECTIVE: UNREVEILED.
COMMANDER'S LIFE: 50
MEN STILL IN GAME: XXXXX"

I see blips everywhere.

I take left turn.



2015 - I is ambushed. 3 puny grechins, 1 baldy ork and one son-of-a painful ass Chaos Space Marine appear out of no where in front of us slashing and gnashing. Will report later.

2020 - I is sad. I is liking battle until my another half-brother, Blatenus is dying - ork is pushing Blatenus own "Aha Aha! Plasma Pointer ™" to his own face.

"PRIMARY OBJECTIVE: SEEK AND DESTROY THE DREADNAUGHT™.
SECONDAY OBJECTIVE: UNREVEILED.
COMMANDER'S LIFE: 40
MEN STILL IN GAME: XX0XX"

Brother Tarsus is not doing much damage because his rawkett launcher is not shooting even a small pea at the enemy. He is awasted quick and fast when he points his own "Kababoom! Missile Launder ™" into face to check mechanism. Big explosion. I hear grechin laugh. I shoot it. I like.

"PRIMARY OBJECTIVE: SEEK AND DESTROY THE DREADNAUGHT™.
SECONDAY OBJECTIVE: UNREVEILED.
COMMANDER'S LIFE: 40
MEN STILL IN GAME: X00XX"

I be getting a group of morons.

I is also hearing the other brothers of the Blood Angels at battle and no time to talk.

Brother Proteus, I wish he die now, make short work of monsters with his "Rat-A-Tat-Tat Chaingun ™" and now is "Brother Proteus™ ©". Remind me bring chaingun next time. Then, everything turn funny. He hum song "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star™" and take right turn (think he smart. I, commander of him, take left turn). Then big hand come and swipe his head off. Hardy-har-har.

"PRIMARY OBJECTIVE: SEEK AND DESTROY THE DREADNAUGHT™.
SECONDAY OBJECTIVE: UNREVEILED.
COMMANDER'S LIFE: 40
MEN STILL IN GAME: X000X"

So it's my Second-In-Command Brother Armodus ™ and I now. We click and level up our units. Therefore:

Commander Irelus Heretus --------> Commander Irelus Heretus ™ ©
2nd-In-Command Brother Maximus Armodus ---------> 2nd-In-Command Brother Maximus Armodus ™ ©

But we get no new ability. This sucks.



Genestealer appear and want waste us. I kill it. Easy-measy job.

We get comm-link from Blood Angels to group up because they under attack from THE DREADNAUGHT™. We run to Blood Angel area but we is not finding them because we is use Recall card when no enemy attack. So we take a break and picnic in space hulk for 15 minutes.

2100 - 2nd-In-Command Brother Maximus Armodus™ © overate and died. I travel alone. Lone runner. I like.

"PRIMARY OBJECTIVE: SEEK AND DESTROY THE DREADNAUGHT™.
SECONDAY OBJECTIVE: UNREVEILED.
COMMANDER'S LIFE: 40
MEN STILL IN GAME: 0000X"





2105 - I is hearing gunshots and missleshots. I be seeing the Blood Angel leader, Commander Olivirus™ © backed to a wall. I a running inside right now. Be seeing you.



2106 - THE DREADNAUGHT™ is standing in front of both of us commanders; bitch-slapping us. I hate melee attack. I tell Olivirus to run. He stunned. I push him. I run. Then, only he run.

"PRIMARY OBJECTIVE: SEEK AND DESTROY THE DREADNAUGHT™.
SECONDAY OBJECTIVE: FIND THE ANDROID.
COMMANDER'S LIFE: 10
MEN STILL IN GAME: 0000X"



2110 - I see another Genestealer, I whack it. I go back to where I came from to find my escape pod. I cannot find it. Place is too dark. I use "Melta-Bomb ™" and "Flash-Bomb ™" to light my way. I find exit. But I hear Commander Olivirus™ © calling out for help. I run back in. I research "Bitch-slapping-double-dice-throwing-more-damaging Digital Research ™". Aha, now i throw more die when I meet bad guy. Overpower! Rampage! Ownage!



2111 - Enemy is leading lots and lots of grechins, orcs, genestealers and THE DREADNAUGHT™ at us. We is gonna die.



2112 - Commander Olivirus™ © runs into room and get's trapped. Genestealer on the left and THE DREADNAUGHT™ on the right. Goodbye, brother. I shall have visual in 30 seconds.



2130 - The place is dark and I take wrong turn to room to meet with a waiting Genestealer. His fangs and claws. My "Tad-Tahhh! Power-Glove ™ and Bling! Power-Sword ™". I like. BRB.

"PRIMARY OBJECTIVE: SEEK AND DESTROY THE DREADNAUGHT™ - incomplete.
SECONDAY OBJECTIVE: FIND THE ANDROID - incomplete.
COMMANDER'S LIFE: 00
MEN STILL IN GAME: 00000"

I hear a laughter. Richard.

Shucks. Stop laughing, Richie! You will pay for this!

That's what we've learnt today.
posted by onions at 05:00 5 comments
Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Les Miserables

SO? LOOKING FOR THE I HATE SOMEBODY AND SCREW THE WORLD POST? GO AWAY. IT'S GONE. I TOOK IT OFF. I STILL LOVE THE WORLD. BUT NOT YOU. YES, YOU.
posted by onions at 04:41 0 comments

So Pissed Right Now.

So what have we learnt today?

SCREW YOU!

That's what we've learnt today.



















I mean, I have feelings too you know? And I have the freedom to express it in any way I see fit and I'm not targeting it at anyone at particular, Mr. Obviously-You-Think-You-Know-Alot-But-In-Reality-You're-An-Inconsiderate-Moron. You always do that. Wrong time, wrong place, wrong person.

Sure, you'll say what you said isn't targeted at me on the whole but on every emo person in the world, but you also said I triggered it. For example, it's like you deny you killed your kitten when you sat on it when you sat on it. What? You think you're the only one in the freaking universe who can get angry?

Never seen me angry like this before, huh? So sue me. I dare you. Sue me.

Now, I've targeted it at you, sorry but you brought it upon yourself.

Now, that's what we've learnt today.















But, elsewhere, and on a lighter note: this are a few pictures that i found on the net (which is obviously not my work and I do not own the copyrights to them) but they explain exactly how i feel now. Enjoy.



Wall calls out to me. And echoes in pulsating veins of glee.



"I am anger" said he. "For bring forth, anger to me."



My eyes, i open. My perception, divided.



Christmas Songs and Sex.



Despair.



Gratitute.



Orgasms.



Figuratively speaking, and literally indulgance.



Candy floss and carbonara fettuchini.



Brown paper packages tied up with string.



Death.


And because I'm evil, I will not allow any comments on this post.
posted by onions at 03:21
Wednesday, January 05, 2005
So what have we learnt last Christmas?



Audrey threw a Christmas eve party for the unfortunate few who couldn't or WOULDN'T go back for the season. We had lamb.



Oh boy, did we have lamb. I'm keeping away from lamb for the next three or so months.




Last Christmas night, when we were coming back from Klang (thanks to Alvin's dinner-cum-mafia-again-outing), Michelle struck a great conversation that kept us awake throughout the journey. Christmas Songs and Sex. Despair. Gratitute. Orgasms.

Okay, imagine this with me: Having sex whilst with:

1) Silent Night - Beyond cool. You want to yell, but you can't. I'll just keep it that way.

2) The Twelve Days of Christmas - 12 more ways to execute the matter. Creatively.

3) What Child is This - Uncle, thank you for your daughter.

4) Santa Claus is Coming to Town - Er, snow? White?

5) God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen - Be Merry, Gentlemen.

6) Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas - Ah, another beyond the ways of cool. Slow and sexy. Speed reduced to 10km/h.

7) I'll be home for Christmas - Well, I'm home. And you are too. So, let's get down to it.

8) Joy to the World - Oh, the joy we're gonna bring to the world.

Hey, don't look at me that way. I can at least share this guilt with those in the same car: Michelle, Nicky and Ah Keong - that lucky fella. You see, this Ah Keong guy practically sits in front of his pc 'WOW'ing 24/7 carefreely, indulging in ceaseless FUN, FUN, FUN! I envy you! But he still has a life - at least he laughs and enjoys talking about sex. Sorry, girls, Mr. Undetectableneo is already taken.

Which brings me to the Rest. And Miracles.

[Sunday the 2nd.]

The Cyber Christmas final not-for-everyone's-eyes practice.

I inevitably got hungry and went for a take-away pack of Nasi Ayam Masak Pedas (Darn Kau Lat Hot Chicken Rice) for dinner. So, throughout practice some co-mates started noticing something weird from the way i was acting. But it worked well with my character. So, out of sight, out of might, we went through the play faster than I expected. Here we are, as in olden days. Which brings me to:

[Monday the 3rd.]

Pop-up video.

Mr. Pong just had to do it: "You all should fast for one meal or something tomorrow (which is monday lahh)." Okay, sure. Why not? I don't actually eat alot if i practically skip class and sleep and indulge in seemless ceaseless FUN, FUN, FUN! on my pc. But I forgot one thing: I had a blanketable Monday 8am class which was like, you-must-attend-or-your-cgpa-is-gonna-be-screwed. Unnecessary words aside, after class, I was mighty hungry. But I kept my word (hey, we're dealing with God here, kay?). So, I got up, stood beside my bedside, took up my bible, placed it on the bed and read it while I was standing up. Okay, so today's reading is going to be - The Passover Feast.

What?

Stomach grumbling aside, I had alot more fun at night when i finally digged deep into the cuisine.

And the Christian part of the play, THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THE PLAY, wasn't finished as of yet. Yes, we've rehearsed the lines like a kazillion times and a kablooie times for the cues, but all we've done were the non-christian messages of the play. Which resulted me in a worryful restless night. The good thing was the Flash video depicting a colourful superhero and Jesus was running smoothly. Sorry. Owds, I just had to say it. Besides, it had a happy ending, didn't it?

[Tuesday the 4th.]

Rivers of Living Water Flow.

More cappuccino moments. I woke up around 945am for the prayer meeting for the much dreaded night extravaganza. Was supposed to arrive at 1015am for it but "screw it, I need my sleep". Datin reads this = I'm really screwed now. I was so troubled about everything I kept forgetting to get Celine's lunch like for twice: I forgot to order, and then forgot to collect it. Practice was draggy and more problems arose. Sometimes people misunderstand and we exaggerate matters till it becomes worse than it already is. And we don't care what people think. We don't care. We don't care.

Let Go. And let God work.



The whole CYb3rChrIStma5 started around 735pm, i guess. I don't know. I was busy filling my stomach with NASI AYAM MASAK PEDAS again. The miracle worker. I started singing Disney cartoons and Sound of Music themes. I started humping walls. I started looking at boobs. It was all going according to plan.

One agonizing hour later, after Pastor and Mrs. Chin left, i finally entered the arena. Not knowing how the public will accept my character, I asked Desmond to pray for me. I sat wih him, joked with him, found comfort in him. I was gonna get through this. If God is for us, who can be against us?

I got off my seat and I got wild. And waited for the reaction from the people at the floor.

A laugh here, and one there. And one more there. And another burst of laughter. That's it, I got them throats working. Just like Esther said: "The first few minutes will be hard, and it determines everything. After a while, they get used to it." I prayed, and wispered a "Thankyou, God." almost everytime when I exited the stage. I don't remember, I was a nervous wreck.

The Superman scene was much of an impromptu one as it's final tweaking was only done when Joshua and I had a private practice just 2 hours back. But, it got me branded. For life.

But Cyber Christmas is still much work.



I want to express my gratitude here for those who put up with me during the many times of trials for the duration of the production of our play:



Audrey - Our self-proclaimed head. Fed us. Fed us. Drove us around. Drove us insane. Gave up her room for conversion purposes. I had to get myself a concussion to get her attention.



Chernliang - Buddy, you're a little bit of all. Talented. Mr. Multimedia. But work on your girl-skills. Quick, you're graduating. And yes, one of the fastest Frou Frou converters I've ever known.



Lenard - Okay, squeeze some chilly sauce into his throat. Most people can be hard as a stone to talk to, but here's the ultimate stoner. Don't mistake him for the character he plays in the drama, in real-life, he's not a stoner. He's like... the opposite of a stoner.



Joshua - OM Sweet Mother of Esther, he's wicked. Funny. My best friend's dad. A housemate who doesn't do chores (like I do - lah). Work on your speakers at 12am, dude. But then, like you say "Spontaneousity is fun."



Celine - You see, I don't get to interact with her character at all in the drama until this brilliant idea of getting to voice my BOSS came up. Cantonese Vulgarity works in plays. Always. Great Ipoh girl. Great Voice. Great Lips. Just that she acts very alike my sister. And I can't stand that.

Esther - I like her mom. She's nice. Go figure.

It Hath Ended. But Immortality Is Just A Friendship Away. Grab It. See you next week.

Glory To Jehovah Nissi.

That's what we've learnt last Christmas.
posted by onions at 14:56 9 comments
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