I Talk, You Listen.
Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Counting Bodies Like Sheep To The Rhythm Of The War Drums

So what have we learnt today?

Terry and I decided to venture out to SS2, far away from the Cybernetic City of Study Life, far away from any prying eyes who may think we were some sort of weird NERDY beings (you will know why.), far away from ThatWhichCanNeverHappenAgain and far from YouKnowWho, after Richard gave us a call for this:

"OMG, A BOARD GAME EXTRAVAGANZA!"

Here's a toast to Richard for a great time.

NOTE TO READERS: Take heed, below isn't for the faint of heart.

"
Thaipusam
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

Thaipusam is a Hindu festival celebrated on the full moon in the Tamil month of Thai, mostly by the Tamil community. Pusam refers to a star that is at its highest point during the festival. The festival commemorates both the birthday of Lord Murugan (also Subramaniam), the youngest son of Shiva and Parvati, and the occasion when Parvati gave Murugan a vel (lance) so he could vanquish the evil demon Soorapadam.

Devotees prepare for the celebration by cleansing themselves through prayer and fasting. On the day of the festival, devotees will shave their heads undertake a pilgrimage along a set route while engaging in various acts of devotion, notably carrying various types of kavadi (burdens). At its simplest this may entail carrying a pot of milk, but mortification of the flesh by piercing the skin, tongue or cheeks with vel skewers is also common. The most spectacular practice is the vel kavadi, essentially a portable altar up to two meters tall, decorated with peacock feathers and attached to the devotee through 108 vels pierced into the skin on the chest and back. Fire walking and flagellation may also be practiced. It is claimed that devotees are able to enter a trance, feel no pain, do not bleed from their wounds and have no scars left behind. However, some of the more extreme masochistic practices have been criticized as dangerous and contrary to the spirit and intention of Hinduism.

The largest Thaipusam celebrations take place in Malaysia and Singapore. The temple at the Batu Caves, near Kuala Lumpur, often attracts over one million devotees. The procession to the caves starts at the Mahamariamman Temple in the heart of the city and proceeds for 15 kilometers to the caves, an 8-hour journey culminating in a flight of 272 steps to the top.
"

That was the good news. While some religious people had to undergo some undelightful forseen circumstances, we had, to put in two very simple words, FUN.

I mean, sorry, the TWO WORDS are: VIOLENTGRUESOMEBUTFUN FUN.

My chance to make the world/space hulk floathing in space a better place hath came. Warhammer 40k ™ style. Enjoy.





1262005 - Transcript received by Command Post :DELTA: at 0600 hours Alpha Centauri earth-time. Commander Irelus Heretus reporting.

1930 hours - 30 clicks ago received orders. I, Miraculus Heretus, Commander of The 24010th Legion of Chapter Ultramarines, the "Ruptured Hearts", is loving war. I is under the command of, and under the orders of, Our Greatness General Prokulus who must-be controling the many big-big ships out the window. I is impressed.

I and me men is ready even before when Prokulus want us go investigate the lumbering space hulk drifting in Sector Gamma-Gamma Seven. We ready with happiness to serve The Emperor. Us purged and cleansed our bodies one last time under the supervision Librarian Tigurius. He no lend book to me read. He librarian come out magic. Not book.



1945 hours - I is ready with armour and my "Tad-Tahhh! Power-Glove ™" and Bling! Power-Sword ™". Some girl must be liking me to send these to my bed when I was in Infirmary sick. I like.



Brother Maximus Armodus, my second-in-command (means if I die he take over, duh) is liking his "Phiaw Phiaw Bolter ™" because he is shining it till we reach mission pod. He say he be loving battles in tight spaces. I like.



The one with "Kababoom! Missile Launder ™" big-big is Brother Jinxus Tarsus, he and I is half-blood brothers, in real life. Not we share same mother. Means, we share same birthing tube.



Brother Bleaurghus Blatenus, like Emperor very much. I respect him for his liking and he do good job in war last week. He like hold his "Aha Aha! Plasma Pointer ™" and wave the little red dot around our heads from gun. I like. He funny.



But not least, Brother Kiki Proteus and his "Rat-A-Tat-Tat Chaingun ™" is boring. I hope he die so General Prokulus will give me new Chaingun man. I not evil. Proteus evil. He sleep with my dog.

1950 - We take pod shoot-off to space hulk number 34.

2000 - Pod reach space hulk 34.

2005 - Because Brother Proteus had problem with seatbelt, make us wait 5 precious minutes for him. I really hope he die now.

We open door to space hulk. It dark inside. I tell Armodus switch-on his bolter gun light. Ah, too bright! I tell him switch off. I tell group reseach "BIONIC EYE LVL 3 ™ © ". We see better. We see dead bodies. I like. I move and I see two left and right.



And then I get comm-link chanel from Legion "SoICallThemThis" of the Blood Angels, telling me they also entered the same space hulk but other side of it. I make a point in notepad to meet them half-way. I check PDA say:

"PRIMARY OBJECTIVE: SEEK AND DESTROY THE DREADNAUGHT™.
SECONDAY OBJECTIVE: UNREVEILED.
COMMANDER'S LIFE: 50
MEN STILL IN GAME: XXXXX"

I see blips everywhere.

I take left turn.



2015 - I is ambushed. 3 puny grechins, 1 baldy ork and one son-of-a painful ass Chaos Space Marine appear out of no where in front of us slashing and gnashing. Will report later.

2020 - I is sad. I is liking battle until my another half-brother, Blatenus is dying - ork is pushing Blatenus own "Aha Aha! Plasma Pointer ™" to his own face.

"PRIMARY OBJECTIVE: SEEK AND DESTROY THE DREADNAUGHT™.
SECONDAY OBJECTIVE: UNREVEILED.
COMMANDER'S LIFE: 40
MEN STILL IN GAME: XX0XX"

Brother Tarsus is not doing much damage because his rawkett launcher is not shooting even a small pea at the enemy. He is awasted quick and fast when he points his own "Kababoom! Missile Launder ™" into face to check mechanism. Big explosion. I hear grechin laugh. I shoot it. I like.

"PRIMARY OBJECTIVE: SEEK AND DESTROY THE DREADNAUGHT™.
SECONDAY OBJECTIVE: UNREVEILED.
COMMANDER'S LIFE: 40
MEN STILL IN GAME: X00XX"

I be getting a group of morons.

I is also hearing the other brothers of the Blood Angels at battle and no time to talk.

Brother Proteus, I wish he die now, make short work of monsters with his "Rat-A-Tat-Tat Chaingun ™" and now is "Brother Proteus™ ©". Remind me bring chaingun next time. Then, everything turn funny. He hum song "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star™" and take right turn (think he smart. I, commander of him, take left turn). Then big hand come and swipe his head off. Hardy-har-har.

"PRIMARY OBJECTIVE: SEEK AND DESTROY THE DREADNAUGHT™.
SECONDAY OBJECTIVE: UNREVEILED.
COMMANDER'S LIFE: 40
MEN STILL IN GAME: X000X"

So it's my Second-In-Command Brother Armodus ™ and I now. We click and level up our units. Therefore:

Commander Irelus Heretus --------> Commander Irelus Heretus ™ ©
2nd-In-Command Brother Maximus Armodus ---------> 2nd-In-Command Brother Maximus Armodus ™ ©

But we get no new ability. This sucks.



Genestealer appear and want waste us. I kill it. Easy-measy job.

We get comm-link from Blood Angels to group up because they under attack from THE DREADNAUGHT™. We run to Blood Angel area but we is not finding them because we is use Recall card when no enemy attack. So we take a break and picnic in space hulk for 15 minutes.

2100 - 2nd-In-Command Brother Maximus Armodus™ © overate and died. I travel alone. Lone runner. I like.

"PRIMARY OBJECTIVE: SEEK AND DESTROY THE DREADNAUGHT™.
SECONDAY OBJECTIVE: UNREVEILED.
COMMANDER'S LIFE: 40
MEN STILL IN GAME: 0000X"





2105 - I is hearing gunshots and missleshots. I be seeing the Blood Angel leader, Commander Olivirus™ © backed to a wall. I a running inside right now. Be seeing you.



2106 - THE DREADNAUGHT™ is standing in front of both of us commanders; bitch-slapping us. I hate melee attack. I tell Olivirus to run. He stunned. I push him. I run. Then, only he run.

"PRIMARY OBJECTIVE: SEEK AND DESTROY THE DREADNAUGHT™.
SECONDAY OBJECTIVE: FIND THE ANDROID.
COMMANDER'S LIFE: 10
MEN STILL IN GAME: 0000X"



2110 - I see another Genestealer, I whack it. I go back to where I came from to find my escape pod. I cannot find it. Place is too dark. I use "Melta-Bomb ™" and "Flash-Bomb ™" to light my way. I find exit. But I hear Commander Olivirus™ © calling out for help. I run back in. I research "Bitch-slapping-double-dice-throwing-more-damaging Digital Research ™". Aha, now i throw more die when I meet bad guy. Overpower! Rampage! Ownage!



2111 - Enemy is leading lots and lots of grechins, orcs, genestealers and THE DREADNAUGHT™ at us. We is gonna die.



2112 - Commander Olivirus™ © runs into room and get's trapped. Genestealer on the left and THE DREADNAUGHT™ on the right. Goodbye, brother. I shall have visual in 30 seconds.



2130 - The place is dark and I take wrong turn to room to meet with a waiting Genestealer. His fangs and claws. My "Tad-Tahhh! Power-Glove ™ and Bling! Power-Sword ™". I like. BRB.

"PRIMARY OBJECTIVE: SEEK AND DESTROY THE DREADNAUGHT™ - incomplete.
SECONDAY OBJECTIVE: FIND THE ANDROID - incomplete.
COMMANDER'S LIFE: 00
MEN STILL IN GAME: 00000"

I hear a laughter. Richard.

Shucks. Stop laughing, Richie! You will pay for this!

That's what we've learnt today.
posted by onions at 05:00

5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

me blood angels commander no wuss. you is try facing a dreanaught with only heavy bolter. u talk big cos u got big bad power glove and power sword to wave around and scare genestealers.

8:09 PM  
Blogger 0n10n5 said...

You is wrong, terryrizer. you is doing pot shots and range attacks and 3 die rolls. Okay, you is right. Me is 4 die rolls and power whatever weapons might as well add Power Poetry TM? Hmmm. You win.

8:22 PM  
Blogger zefiriel said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

3:48 AM  
Anonymous Evil Space Hulk Alien Commander said...

Hah, har!!! Just read this... you Space Marine Commanders are funny... taste good too! Ha, hah...

Round 2? And bring on more Marines next time... those tasty yellow ones. Heh, heh...

11:44 PM  
Blogger zefiriel said...

ohh, now i know what these are about. *grin*

5:52 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home

Blogging Mates.
Da ONe WiF MaNy FaCeS...
Posts By Month.
Hand-picked.