I Talk, You Listen.
Friday, October 07, 2005

What's Your Son's Teeth Decay Rate Again?

So what have we learnt today?



Zap! I have nice teeth. After days of probing into people's teeth years, I have but one conclusion: brush your teeth everyday. Because teeth are all that stands between you and the next bacon on the counter. Now start wondering why you are reading this post. Since this bloody page took so long to load, why not waste more time reading?

When I was young, people used to say I have perfect teeth. Unlike the other children (bah! peers!) of those long gone days, my baby teeth had the tendency to fall off much later than them others. When the kids were playing in the field I was brushing my teeth in the washroom. When the kids were cuddling barbie dolls getting teeny erections I was there gargling Listerine. When the kindergarten teachers were rounding out the kids after recess, I was in a corner keeping 'em all shiny with my omnipotent tooth brush. This leads to the incident of the:

OMG, The shattering right teeth!

I was a HYPERACTIVE kind of child back in those days (am still now, but you already know that). I cannot sit still; my teachers complain because I try to be on every single class room table at once, cardboard cuttings that litter the floor mysteriously vanish into my lunchbox, I make and lose friends faster than I can start sharing lunch with them.

So, imagine this: a miniature Harry Potter running around kindergarten, stomping the ground with my tiny feet. Yes, I was already with my glasses since a very young age. Call me short-sighted. I don't care. At least I got the girls. I was nerdy and I had lots of drawings of stuff and some of the girls liked my them. Of course I couldn't do sexually provocative pictures then yet. But they did like my Jenna Jameson renderings.

Because of my lack of immobility skills, I would usually be brought forward to give short introductions on a class-play or speeches for sports days or the drummer boy for the band or the loud speaker of the recess bell. See how the autocratic teachers try to keep me on a short leash? Which was good because I swear if they didn't made me the man I am today, I would be burglarizing your home or maybe raping the next kitten.

Back to my teeth.

I was playing hide-and-seek one day when some friend (not anymore, I don't think so) pushed me and I slipped. So, naturally, I fell. Take a guess what happend next.

KAPIIINNNGG!!

There goes my front right teeth. CHIPPED. BEYOND REPAIR. Let me I ask you, if you're trying to maintain the one and only thing that distinguish you from all the other hooligans in school, and the forces-that-be (or that guy who I-not-so-friend-now) take it away from you - ARGH!!! - wouldn't you be more than MEGA UPSET?!

Let's skip a few years to when I was going for the BCG jab which was given to standard six students (or whatever it is equvalent to when you're in 12), when a nurse made such a fuss of the chipped teeth when she doing some health checks. She was like petrified that I had a chipped teeth. I mean, WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?! So, the other kids swarmed and took a pieces of my dignity away. AND THEN CAME THE OTHER NURSES. Bloody Vogons , I tell you. Speaking under their sanitary masks, they were wide-eyed looking down on me like I'm the latest Ebola-infected child in Malaysia. The commotion only ended when I finally OFFICIALLY SHUT MY MOUTH. It took my brain at least 30 seconds to work that out. It's not like everyday that everyone in your class looks down your tonsils. I was not going to open my mouth the whole day.

Rah.

It eventually fell off. Or did it? I don't know, I didn't bother to check. Not even now anyway.

I found it fun to reminiscence as to why babies do not have teeth during the weening years.

Unlike your heart or brain, your teeth weren't there ready to work from the day you were born. Although babies have the beginnings of their first teeth even before they are born, teeth don't become visible until babies are about 6 or 7 months old.

After that first tooth breaks through, more and more teeth begin to appear. Most kids have their first set of teeth by the time they are 3 years old. These are called the primary or baby teeth, and there are 20 in all. When a child grows to age 5 or 6, these teeth start falling out, one by one.

A primary tooth falls out because it is being pushed out of the way by a permanent tooth that is behind it. Slowly, the permanent teeth grow in and take the place of the primary teeth. By about age 14, most kids have lost all of their baby teeth and have a full set of permanent teeth.

There are 28 permanent teeth in all - eight more than the original set of baby teeth. About around age 20, four more teeth called wisdom teeth usually grow in at the back of the mouth. They complete the adult set of 32 teeth.

Okay, I copied the few final sentences from a kids website. Sue me LARH.

There goes my 5 cents. All used up.

That's what we've learnt today.
posted by onions at 12:21 6 comments
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